All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
