If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
