How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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