luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
