Rock
Scissors
Fuck
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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