My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
