What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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