I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
babies were throwing up all over the place
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We're too hungover to prance.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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