i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
