Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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