Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
