I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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