ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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