problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize