So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
