I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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