This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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