You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
