He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
