the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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