I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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