I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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