Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
