You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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