I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
