Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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