you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
