so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you traded sex for a burrito?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
