Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
