My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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