Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize