Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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