3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize