Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
