When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
