She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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