life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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