i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
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