Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
