When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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