you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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