I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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