But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
