watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
