If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
