my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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