You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
