i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize