Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
