Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
