im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize