So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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