i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
