he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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