I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
