Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
