one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
