I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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