Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
