just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
