hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's shark week go big or go home
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
