when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
