So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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