Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
