I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
