need another drink. this is the easiest way
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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